Last night I dreamed I was in Hermosa Beach. I used to live in that area, and I was there visiting and exploring the beach area. It was neat and felt like happiness, opportunity and adventure. A little later I was at an interview for a job, at a restaurant I think, for sure some type of store. The person interviewing me looked down on me and made me feel shameful (similar to the other dream). I just felt like I wasn’t somehow bad, though I wasn’t sure why. This person treated me like I was spoiled and selfish, like I could never appreciate hard work, and was lazy I guess, just like I was going nowhere, and was a loser, and a selfish, spoiled girl, something like that. The person was a friend from years ago named Brian. I never felt Brian thought lots of me, but IRL, he never looked down on me like this. This feels like how my brother and mom, and the monster, treat and seem to view me. We started the interview, but since we knew each other, we caught up personally too. We spoke of a wedding, like if we were going. After the interview, a couple of friends I used to work with came over. I said well I bombed that interview. One friend/coworker (IRL a friend, coworker years ago at Houston’s restaurant) said she overheard the interview, had lots of experience interviewing people, and that I did bombed the interview, like because I talked about my personal life. I knew it, I said. But then I said, but I actually know the person who interviewed me and we were catching up. She said, oh I didn’t realize that. But I could still feel I wasn’t getting the job. I went out back where the person who interviewed was sitting. I said: I didn’t get the job, did I? No wait, don’t tell me, because I have some things I want to say before I hear the answer. (I wanted to confront him in how he treats me without him thinking I just said it because I didn’t get the job). Before I could continue, he said: of course you didn’t get the job. I said, well I knew that. I don’t deserve to be looked down on the way you do. I have needed help. I have accepted financial help you offered. These don’t make me spoiled, selfish, or incapable. Because I’ve needed help doesn’t mean I’m a good for nothing bad person. Again, similar to dream 1, I still felt icky and yucky on the inside. I felt that dark shame, but still I felt this may be a positive step subconsciously, at least I sure do hope so, and I do feel it too.
This dream you've described is rich with personal symbolism and emotion. It seems to express some deep-seated feelings and conflicts.
Return to Hermosa Beach: The dream begins on a positive note with you in Hermosa Beach, a place connected to past happiness and adventure. This setting represents a longing for joy and opportunity. It may symbolize a desire to return to a time or place where you felt free and fulfilled. The positive emotions associated with this location could indicate a need to reconnect with these feelings in your current life.
Job Interview: The transition from the beach to the job interview suggests a shift from a state of happiness to a more anxiety-inducing scenario. The interview is a common symbol of self-assessment and judgment, representing how you perceive your skills and worth in the professional world. The fact that it takes place in a restaurant or store indicates the public nature of this evaluation and possibly an area of your life where you feel scrutinized.
The Interviewer - Brian: The person conducting the interview, Brian, symbolizes authority and judgment. His negative demeanor represents inner feelings of inadequacy or criticism you've internalized, possibly from relationships with figures of authority or influence in your life (like family members mentioned – brother, mom, and "the monster"). Brian's judgment reflects internalized perceptions of how others may view you.
Feelings of Shame and Inadequacy: The shame you feel during the interview suggests a struggle with feelings of worthlessness and being misunderstood. It reveals an internal battle with self-esteem and identity, particularly regarding how you perceive others see you versus how you see yourself.
Interaction with Coworkers: Meeting your former coworkers symbolizes contemplation and rumination over past experiences and public perceptions. The advice from your coworker about the interview reflects a tendency to dwell on perceived failures and misunderstanding, while also highlighting the necessity to navigate personal and professional boundaries.
Confrontation: The confrontation with the interviewer/Brian is crucial. Your decision to voice your feelings before hearing the job outcome suggests a burgeoning confidence and the beginning of standing up for yourself. This confrontation indicates a desire to articulate your self-worth and defend against unjust judgments, hinting at growth and self-awareness despite lingering feelings of shame.
Evolving Self-Perception: The final interaction, where you argue against being labeled spoiled or selfish, suggests you are beginning to confront and challenge these negative labels. Even though it leaves you feeling icky and yucky, there is a sense of hope and a step towards personal development, indicating progress towards redefining your self-perception.
Overall, the dream reflects an inner journey of grappling with self-worth and identity, shaped by past experiences and relationships. It presents a path of self-discovery and personal empowerment, where confronting deep-seated feelings and standing up for your beliefs about yourself marks the beginning of healing and self-acceptance.